Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

Forms follow function, oracle dump export extract unload and often obliterate it.

... Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are. On one side, you have George Bush, who is currently going through a sort of fraternity hazing wherein he has to perform a series of humiliating stunts to win the embedded linux wins big in linux journal editors' choice awards approval of the Republican Right. For example, they had him make a speech oozing praise all over William Loeb, deceased publisher of the Manchester (N.H.) Union Leader and Slime Journalist. Loeb had dumped viciously all over George in the 1980 New Hampshire primary. But when the Right held a big tribute for Loeb, George came back to the fold, like a man with a bungee cord wrapped around his neck. -- Dave Barry, "The Twinkie and the Squid"

In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Indian Giver be the name of the Lord.

Don't look now -- your office mate is a pederast!!!

OLD FELLA RED CLARET Produce of Australia -- "The Big 69'er" An unusual "Rough-as-Guts" wine that has the Distinctive Bouquet of old and ill-cared for animals. It is best drunk with the teeth clenched to prevent ingestion of the seeds and skins. Connoisseurs will savour the slight Tannin Taste of burnt shag feathers and soiled medical dressings. Possessors of a cultivated Palate admire the initial assault on the taste buds which comes from the careful and loving blending of circus hosings with perished jock straps. The maturing in Midland Abattoir hogsheads gives it a very Definite Nose. With the bouquet like an java news brief::oci::october issue aborigine's armpit. In the United States this wine is marketed as Crow Brand (9 out of 10 people who drink it for the first time exclaim "VRAAAARRRRRK"). It won a Bronze at the "Kings Cross Homosexuals Convention" of 1973 Warning: Avoid contact with eyes and open cuts. Keep away from open naked flames -- both old and new.

There's the light at the end of the the Windows. -- Havlik Denis

A very intelligent turtle Found programming UNIX a hurdle The system, you sequoia 2000 ftp server home page see, Ran as slow as did he, And that's not saying much for the turtle.

Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. -- Wernher von Braun

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. -- W. C. Fields

If you sun microsystems - developer home love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.

Curiosity *may* have killed Schrodinger's cat.

A licentious old justice of Salem Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em. But instead of a fine He would stand them in line, With his common-law tool to impale 'em.

If you didn't get caught, did you really iseries information center do it?

"Plaese porrf raed." -- Prof. Michael en2 O'Longhlin, S.U.N.Y. Purchase

Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.

"He was a modest, good-humored boy. It was Oxford that made him insufferable."

The Edsel. New Coke. Windows 2000. All mandatory case studies for bizschool students in 2020. -- Bear dataconvert Giles (in a LinuxToday post)

Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.

Size counts.

Morris had been down on his luck for months, and, though not a devoutly religious man, had begun to visit the local synagogue to ask God's help. One week, out of desperation, he prayed, "God, I've been a good and decent man all my life. Would it be so terrible if You let me win the lottery just once?" The despondent fellow returned week after week. One day, Morris, nearly hopeless now, prayed, "God, I've never asked You for anything before. I just want to win one little lottery." "As he dejectedly rose to leave, God's voice boomed, "Morris, at least meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket!"

Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.

Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". Now doesn't "gay shlafen" have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato "go to sleep"? Listen to the difference: "Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling." Obvious, isn't it? Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start speaking Yiddish right now technical topics - desktop and never speak another word of English as long as you live. This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and so on, but that's just the point. It has to start with committed individuals and then grow ... Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when everything is written in Yiddish. And we'll have to start driving on the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs backwards. But is that too high a price to pay for world peace? I think not, my friend, I think not. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Q: What did the little ghetto-dweller get for Christmas? A: Your bicycle.

A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and antennae coming out of his head. He goes up to him and says, "You're not from around here, are you?" "No," replies the man with the antennae. "You know," continues the man, "I don't think you're an American, either. In fact, I bet you don't even come from this planet!" "Right again," says the man with four arms. "I'm from Mars." "Well," says the man, "that's quite some configuration you've got there, with those four arms and those antennae and everything." "We Martians all have four arms and antennae." "Well, that's just amazing," replies the man, "and how about that big gold colored plate in the middle of your chest, what's that, do all Martians have that?" "Well, no," says the Martian. "Not the *goyim*."

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics. -- Benjamin Disraeli

Q: What's the difference articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml between a sorority girl and a fast car? A: Not everyone's been in a fast car.

I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!

Australia's a lovely land It's full of bonza blokes, Sheilas, beer and no-one's queer Except in Pommie jokes. Australians are lovely chaps They're God's own chosen about us race. If they ever see a fairy Pom They'll smash him in the face. Australians like dressing up In skirts and having fun And that's all we were doing When the Vice Squad came along. -- Monty Python's Flying Circus

Sex is good, but not as articles & white papers about linux in embedded applications ... good as fresh sweet corn. -- Garrison Keillor

"It's good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful park of our national --- really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it." George W. Bush February 8, 2001 Address to a gathering in the Rose Garden at the White House.

"He's not pining, he's passed on! This parrot won't squawk! He's ceased to be! He's expired, and gone to meet his maker! It's a stiff! No breath of life, he may rest in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket! He's curled up his tooties! He's shuffled off this mortal world! He's run down the curtain, and joined the bleed'n Choir Invincible! HE'S FUCKING SNUFFED IT! Vis-a-vi his metabolic processes is head is lost. All statements concerning this parrot is no longer a going concern, after from now on, Inoperative... THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

Dozens of bears are found dead in Alaska and Canada every summer, killed by blood lost to the voracious mosquito. The estimated life-expectancy of a naked man on the tundra in summer is about 15 minutes. In that time, approximately 250,000 mosquitoes would have drawn enough blood to kill him. write for us -- Gus McLeavy, "Day-by-Day Trivia Almanac"

Pregnancy :: db2 magazine :: begins with a single sell.

Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve. Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem. Work hard to improve.

Liebe ist rein. Sex ist rein und raus.

A man was playing golf one day when a little frog hopped out the water at a water hazard and croaked, "I am a magic frog, and since you are the 10,000th person to play through here, I'm prepared to offer you one of two magic gifts: First, for a whole year you can have the most fabulous sex life that anyone ever had; beyond your wildest dreams. Or, second, for a whole year you can be the best golfer the world has ever known. Which do you prefer?" The man thought a bit and said that he'd take the golf. Well, the man holed his wood shot from where he was, completed the course in an average of 2 per hole, and went round in 22. Quickly he attracted the attention of the sports world, and became the world's best-known golfer, setting course records wherever he went. A year later he was playing the same course inhabited by the frog, and at the water hazard the frog hopped out and said, "Well, the year is up, and you now revert to the 18-handicap player you were before. But tell me, I was a little surprised that you chose the golf -- I take it your sex life is outstanding?" The man said, "Well, I have no complaints in that department at all, which is why I chose the golf." "How many times did free cd and dvd burning (writing) and copying software (thefreecountry.com) you engage in sex last year?" inquired the frog. The man thought a little and said, "Oh, eight or ten times, I guess." "Damn," said the frog, "that doesn't strike me as very satisfactory." "Oh, I don't know," replied the man, "it doesn't seem so bad for a Catholic priest from a little town in South Dakota."

MESSAGE articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.

Yeah, God is dead, he laughed himself to death.

"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor, just like you like to be liked yourself." George W. Bush January 14, 2000 Quoted in the Financial Times.

Perfektion der Mittel - Konfusion der Ziele. -- writing for sswug.org Albert Einstein

necrophelia, n.: Dead boring. incest, n.: Relatively boring.

Every program portal has two purposes -- one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.

The only thing that stops God from sending a second Flood is that the first one was useless. -- Nicolas Chamfort

My life needs a rewind/erase button. -- Calvin

Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.

Pecor's Health-Food Principle: Never eat rutabaga on any day of the developer home - products & technologies week that has a "y" in it.

Nine out of ten men who preferred Camels have articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml switched back to women.

17th Rule of Friendship: A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount of life insurance coverage you did for half the price when yours theacolyte is noncancellable. -- Esquire, May 1977

Give a hoot-o Don't pollute Pluto

I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. -- Warren Knox

"Good lord. What is this?" -Fry "It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home, pal!" -Bender

Three women and Feldstein were brought before the presiding judge. The women had been arrested for soliciting and he'd been was arrested for selling ties without a license. "What do you do for a living?" the judge asked, pointing at the first girl. "Your honor, I'm a model," she replied. "Thirty days," was the sentence. The judge turned to the second girl. "What do you do for a living?" he asked. "Your honor, I'm an actress." "Thirty days." Then he turned to the third girl. "And how about you?" he demanded. "Well, your honor, I'm a prostitute. I'm not proud of it, but it's the only way I can support my mother and my children since my husband's been laid off." "For telling the truth," he said, "I'm going to suspend sentence. Furthermore, here's $100 to help your family out." Now he turns to Feldstein, arrested for selling ties illegally. "And you," he said, "what do you do for a living?" "Your honor, I'm a prostitute. I'm not proud..."

If you stand on your head, dba you will get footprints in your hair.

Come home America. -- George McGovern, 1972

"All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands." -- Saint Patrick

Nuke them till they glow, then shoot them in the dark.

But we've only fondled the surface free compilers and interpreters for programming languages (thefreecountry.com) of that subject. -- Virginia Masters, of Master & Johnson

"Do you think what we're doing is wrong?" "Of course it's wrong! It's illegal!" "I've never done anything illegal before." "I intelligent enterprise magazine - scalable systems thought you said you were an accountant!"

From the "Guiness Book of World Records", 1973: Certain passages in several laws have always defied interpretation and the most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion. A judge of the Court of Session of Scotland has sent the editors of this book his candidate which reads, "In the Nuts (unground), (other than ground nuts) Order, the expression nuts shall have reference to such nuts, other than ground nuts, as would pearson government store but for this amending Order not qualify as nuts (unground)(other than ground nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground)."

Canonical, adj.: The usual or standard state or manner of something. A true story: One Bob Sjoberg, new at the MIT AI Lab, expressed some annoyance at the use of jargon. Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in. Finally, in one conversation, he used the word "canonical" in jargon-like fashion without thinking. Steele: "Aha! We've finally got you talking jargon too!" Stallman: "What did he say?" Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."

Be different: conform.

Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.

Jesus may love you, but I think intelligent enterprise magazine - scalable systems you're garbage wrapped in skin. -- Michael O'Donohugh

Jedem das Seine, mir das Meine.

She's the kind of woman topical articles, news and juicy gossip (thefreecountry.com) you could fall madly in bed with.

... And then there's the guy who bought 20,000 bras, cut them in half, and sold 40,000 yamalchas with chin straps ...

Gravity is an unforgiving motherfucker.

Short man who dance with tall woman gets bust in mouth.

Wer schläft, sündigt nicht! Wer sündigt, schläft besser.

Missouri Town Changes Name to 'Linux' LINUX, MO -- The small Missouri town of Linn, county seat of Osage County, announced yesterday that it will be henceforth called 'Linux'. Mayor Bob Farrow said, "Linn needed something to put it on the map. A few weeks ago my daughter mentioned that she installed Linux on her computer and how great she thought it was. I thought to myself, 'Self, changing the db2 articles town's name to 'Linux' could be an opportunity to attract attention -- and money -- to our town. We could even hold a Linux Convention at the community center.' So I approached the city council about the idea, and they loved it. The rest is history." Farrow's daughter is organizing the Linux Linux User Group. She hopes to be able to hold a Linux Convention this fall. "The Linn, er, Linux community center probably won't be big enough, we'll probably have to hold it in nearby Jefferson City," she said. The mayor does have one reservation. "How the hell do you pronounce Linux?" One of the mayor's contenders in the next election, Mr. Noah Morals, says he will start an ad campaign calling Bob Farrow "the Incumbent Liar of LIE-nucks". Needless to say, the mayor usually pronounces Linux as "LIH-nucks".

Was man nicht in Assembler programmieren kann, muß man eben löten.

schnuffel, n.: A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed company. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

Flirt, n.: A girl whose favorite man is the next one.

Windows: gesehen, the learning center store gelacht, gelöscht.

It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings ... -- Playboy, January 1983

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.

Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. -- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"

"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it." George W. Bush October 17, 2000 Comments from St. Louis, Missouri Presidential Debate.

When the prick stands up, the brains comments and feedback page get buried in the ground. -- Old Jewish saying [How come there aren't ever any "New Jewish sayings?" Ed.]

McQuillan was on the stand. The case involved a railroad and several of the passengers who were injured. "You say," thundered the counsel for the railroad, "that you saw the two trains crash head on while doing sixty miles an hour. What did you think when you saw this happen ?" I thought," replied the Irishman, "this is one *helluva* way to run a railroad."

Edna: "Excuse me, I've got to powder my mouth flaps."

An American businessman in London was given special visitor's privileges at an exclusive men's club. Striding in one afternoon, the American approached the only other man in the lounge and tried to strike up a conversation. "Care for a cigar?" he asked. "No, thank you," the Englishman replied. "I tried smoking once and didn't like it." "Would you care to join me in the bar for a drink, then?" the businessman asked. "No, thank you. I tried drinking once and it didn't agree with me." "Well, how about a game of billiards?" "Sorry. I tried it once and couldn't seem to get the hang of it." As the American started to turn away, the Englishman said, "But my son will be here shortly, and I'm sure he would enjoy a game with you." "Your son? An only child, I presume."

Love comes in spurts. --Devo, leap rdbms : home "Please Please"

Seems to me that both the Democrats and the Republicans should change their symbols to a contraceptive device; it stands for inflation, inhibits production, protects a bunch of pricks and gives everyone a false sense of security while they're being screwed.

A gay young prince from Morocco Made love in db2 sql server oracle migrate a manner rococco. He painted his penis To resemble a venus And flavored his semen with cocoa.

The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and windows, linux grapple in great gadget smack-down! impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts down anything he damn well pleases. -- Sir Josiah Stamp

THE THREE MOST COMMONLY-ASKED QUESTIONS AT DISNEYLAND: (1) Where's the bathroom? (2) What time does the parade start? (3) Do you sell anything without that damn mouse on it?

Fornication, n.: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.

"Approximately 80% of our air pollution stems from hydrocarbons released by vegetation, so let's not go overboard in setting and enforcing tough emissions standards from man-made sources." -- Ronald Reagan

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling."

On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's. Stopping hurriedly on the side of the wisdomforce road, he ran toward the smoldering debris. "Listen, mister," a policeman said, holding him back, "I can't let you come any closer." "But that may be my friend, Henry, in there," the anguished man explained. "OK, but it's pretty grisly," the cop cautioned. "There was a decapitation." The policeman reached into the back seat of the demolished car and pulled forth the head, holding it at arm's length. "Is this your friend?" "That's not him -- thank heavens," the man said. "Henry's much taller."

Linux -- Have you administered a real OS today?

Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.

"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."

This will be a memorable month -- no it & management articles matter how hard you try to forget it.

"If God had wanted us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had 10 apostles."

Distributed Systems people do it loosely coupled.

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. -- Dick Gregory

You have an unusual magnetic personality. Don't walk too close to metal objects which are not fastened down.

A computer, use these listings to locate commercial products ... to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. -- Gigo

Where do you want community Bill Gates to go today? -- From a Slashdot.org post

"All flesh is grass" articles & white papers about linux in embedded applications ... -- Isiah Smoke a friend today.

Premenstrual Syndrome: Just before their periods women behave the way men do all the time.

An artist who programacion lived in Australia Once painted his ass like a Dahlia. The drawing was fine, The colour - divine, The scent - ah, that was a failia.

A daredevil skater named Lowe, Leaps barrels arranged in the snow, But is proudest of doing, Some incredible screwing, Since he's jumped thirteen girls in a row!